


I can't believe you're not mine

by Alice_vs_Wonderland



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Friendship, Jealousy, M/M, Roommates, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 10:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alice_vs_Wonderland/pseuds/Alice_vs_Wonderland
Summary: A two year old work from Tumblr that was never posted on here.Jack and Toothiana are together, but Hiccup desperately wishes Jack would be with him instead. The pain is too much to bear, so he decides it would be better to leave for a while.





	I can't believe you're not mine

Painted lips with smiles that could sprout sweet fruit trees in a desert. Brown skin stretching across a slender frame, smooth and flawless, like the feel of a chestnut between your fingers. Bright eyes sparkling with eagerness to meet the world with open arms.

Toothiana.

Even her name tore Hiccup’s insides apart in a sugar crunching death grip. In the autumn breeze and the warm glow of the afternoon sunlight, he watched her and Jack laugh at a cat video on her phone. Tooth’s hand found Jack’s and their fingers intertwined. The hollowness burrowed further into Hiccup’s chest, its grinding teeth gnawing through flesh and veins. He took a deep breath and tore his eyes off them.  _It’ll be over soon…_  Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to come at all but the temptation to spend some final moments with Jack had been too strong.

The park was mostly deserted by now, except a few grannies gathering by one of the water fountains and a couple of kids playing on the swings. It had been Jack’s idea to go here today. He wanted fresh air after being stuck in a classroom all day at work. Ever since they were kids, both he and Jack had loved to be outdoors. They would run around with plastic swords and shields in the summer, pretending to be Vikings. In the winter, they would build snow forts and hurl snowballs at family and friends, shouting homemade spells at them like the mighty ice mages they were. Hiccup chest tightened as the memories flooded his mind.  _You’ve always been by my side …it’s always been you and me against the world. But soon, it won’t be anymore._

Despite the short notice, Tooth had brought some delicious food for them. Hiccup doubted there were any limits to Tooth’s considerate nature. While she and Jack had dived straight in and finished off several plates of food, Hiccup had nibbled on the same sandwich for half an hour now.  _How can I eat when she’s touching him? How can I eat when I know I’m going to hurt him later?_

Tooth’s phone buzzed, putting a sudden stop to their joy. Hiccup despised himself for finding relief in silence instead of his friends’ laughter.  _Who is this shitty person I’ve become?_  The autumn colors swirled around him as warm tears pooled in his eyes. He blinked to chase them away.

Tooth’s eyes drifted over the phone screen. She chewed on her lip. The sparkle in her eyes dimmed.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, wrinkles of concern appearing on his forehead.

“It’s from Bunny. Trouble with the girlfriend again.” She sighed. Her fingers tapped on the phone at a rapid pace to give Aster a reply. Tooth and Aster had come into Hiccup’s life at the same time, along with North and Sandy. They had been Jack’s friends only at first. Someone Jack quickly became close to when the two of them went off to separate colleges. But in the years after, they had become his friends too.

“Shit,” Jack said and ran a hand through his snow white hair. How Hiccup longed to weave his fingers through it and find out how soft it would be against his skin. “I hope he’s okay…” Jack continued. “It’s been happening a lot lately.”

“Yeah,” Tooth agreed with a sad smile. “They’ve really been going through a rough patch.”

“Well…tell him we’re here for him if he needs anything,” Jack said and glanced at him. Hiccup could see the underlying worry in those blue eyes, even though Jack tried to hide it behind a casual smile.  _I know him too well. Always more concerned with others than himself._  Hiccup nodded and forced a small smile. He swallowed past the aching lump in his throat and put the sandwich down, tired of pretending to eat.

Tooth finished writing her response. “We should do something nice for him…like…take him out for a whole day. We’ll go to the amusement park and the botanical gardens, because we all know he loves that even if he won’t admit it. And then we’ll go barhopping. Get completely drunk and stupid like we did in college. We’ll all chip in to pay for Bunny, of course.”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea,” Jack said, his white teeth flashing in one of those excited grins that usually made Hiccup’s stomach bubble with affection. Now, it was like someone had crushed his ribs.  “Do you want to come, Hic?”

“Uh…” Hiccup said.  _I won’t be around…_  He blinked and dug a finger deep into his leg. He focused on the pain so the tears wouldn’t come. “I’m not sure…I mean, those things are stuff you guys used to do together. I don’t want to intrude.”

“Don’t be stupid, Peg Leg,” Jack waved one of his hands dismissively. “I want you there.”

“Yeah, me too,” Tooth said, her eyes filling with hope. Gods, how he wanted to hate her. But he couldn’t. She was his friend and, despite his growing resentment, he loved her.  _Look what this has turned me into…I’m fucking pathetic._

“Well…okay then,” he agreed and shrugged to hide the conflicting emotions swirling inside him.

“Yay!” Tooth’s lips parted into a bright smile.

“It’ll be so much fun!” Jack said and chuckled. “Me and Sandy are gonna go on all the roller coasters! Maybe we can even lure Bunny to come along on one!”

Hiccup gave them a fake smile, pouring all his effort into making it convincing.  _Will I ever hear his laughter again after today?_

“I can’t wait to tell the others, I’m sure they’re on board too,” Tooth said. Her perfectly manicured nails brushed over Jack’s arm. Hiccup exhaled shakily.  _At least I won’t have to see her touching him anymore._

“Of course they are!” Jack’s eyes went round with giddiness. “And that was a great idea, Tooth.”

“Aw, thanks,” she said and shrugged with that familiar humbleness Hiccup used to like about her. “I just want to do something to make him feel better.”

Jack brushed her multi-colored fringe away from her eyes. “You’re always so thoughtful,” he said softly and leaned in. Their lips grazed in a loving display.

Hiccup’s vision swam, colors and shapes blurring like the world was melting before his eyes. Someone had stuck barbed wire into his veins, shredding them open from the inside. He couldn’t keep the pain in its cage. Drops began to slither out of the corners of his eyes.

Jack and Tooth were about to pull away from each other.  _I can’t let them see me like this_. He scrambled to his feet and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

“I don’t feel so good. I’m gonna go lie down for a while,” he said and walked away before they could take a proper look at him.

“Hey Hic, are you gonna be okay?” Jack called out. Hiccup knew that tone of voice.  _He’s being protective of me. Please… don’t make this harder for me, Jack._

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” he said and briefly glanced at them over his shoulder.

“Okay…let me know if you need something!” Jack said and waved.

“I will…thanks,” Hiccup said and gave them a quick wave without looking at them.  _I need you. I need everything you are._

The walk back to their apartment was purifying. The sun crawled further towards the horizon each moment. The buildings were dark against the lava sky. The road lay ahead of him, a path of molten gold in the dying light. _I guess it’s fitting…a dying sun. A dying friendship._ Faceless people passed him by, too engulfed in their own lives to notice his red eyes and trembling lips. Or perhaps they didn’t care for a stranger’s grief. Tears slid down his cheeks like the soft brushes of caring fingers. Slowly. Gently. Every fragile drop was a warm caress leaking repressed pain from his damaged soul. The closer he got to home, the closer he got to leaving Jack behind. A sickening sweetness. A sweet sickness. A contradiction of sorrow and relief.

When he opened the door to their apartment, his hands shook. The nausea squirmed inside him, a slimy creature trying to slither into his throat. He had quit his job and then packed up his stuff discreetly in the last few days. Jack had been out with Tooth most of the time, so he hadn’t noticed. As he closed the door, Toothless came trotting towards him from the kitchen, his tail wagging.

“Hey bud…” Hiccup said and petted Toothless’ fluffy neck. Toothless whined and tilted his head. He could always sense his mood and once again in his life, Hiccup found himself grateful for their close bond.

“It’s okay, bud. You and I are going to take a trip,” he said.

As he grabbed his bags and put them by the door, the tears kept flowing from his eyes.  _I’m not going to see his eyes light up with that childish excitement anymore. I’m not going to see that stupid smile on his face when he’s played a prank on me. I’m not going to hear that warmth in his voice when he talks about working with the kids._ His knees weakened under him. “I’m sorry, Jack,” he whispered between trembling breaths. “I’m sorry I can't stand it anymore.”

Toothless nudged his head against Hiccup’s side and began licking his hand. Hiccup crouched down and put his arms around his best friend. He stuck his face into Toothless’ fur, finding a small comfort in the familiar warmth.

There was something pure about raw heartache. About loving so much you suffer for it. His love for Jack had ripped apart his defenses. There was only a fragile veil left around his heart and if he didn’t protect it, he would crumble.

Every day since Jack and Tooth became a couple had been a needle pushing into his heart. Before that, it was painful to not be able to confess his feelings but he could handle it. He would tell himself that at least he had Jack in his life as a friend. At least he got to be close to him and enjoy his company. But he couldn’t stand by and see the adoration in Jack’s eyes when he looked at Tooth. The way their lips met in tender kisses. How their fingers laced together perfectly.

He took the letter from his pocket and put it on the coffee table. He had kept it vague, telling Jack that he needed to get away for a while, because of personal reasons that he couldn’t talk about yet.  _Or ever, for that matter._

His heart twitched at the thought of Jack finding it. He was going to come home and find out his best friend had left without even telling him. But Hiccup couldn’t look into those beautiful eyes and say he was leaving. Jack would try to stop him and he had never been able to say no to him. But he also couldn’t stay here, when every touch between Jack and Tooth slammed an icicle into his chest.  _I don’t have a choice._

He closed the door to the apartment. To his and Jack’s shared life. It was the end of their chapter. He put a leash on Toothless. He wiped his cheeks, smothering the tears over the skin.  _Bye Jack…I love you too much._ His palm glided down the smooth door.  _I can’t believe you’re not mine. And never will be._


End file.
